So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
