You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
