Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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