I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wish i was in the wii world.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
