Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Why is there bacon in the couch?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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