so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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