I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
