Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
