The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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