Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
