Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
All the doctor said was why
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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