Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize