So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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