brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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