she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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