Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
