I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Is it because I queefed?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
