I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize