So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
