just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
