god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
