I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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