I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
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The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
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can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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