Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
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my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Never underestimate the power of titties
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