i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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