That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
