Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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