Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
