R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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