Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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