I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
