Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
