so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize