I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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