I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
