I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
