The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Every concussion has its silver lining
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
