Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Still dying that you shit outside
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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