I wannas sexs uuuuu
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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