you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
