just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
