we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
