she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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