never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
