the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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