you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
