Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
