It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
