I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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