Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
