I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
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Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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