the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
