I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize