Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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