The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
