Screwed.edu
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
