Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
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We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
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I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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