Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
