Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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